Surrounded by Yes People? Look in the Mirror
Ben and Syya dig into the mirror test this week, the idea that real leadership starts with honest self-reflection. They talk about the difference between a mirror that validates your ego and one that actually tells you the truth, and why so many leaders end up surrounded by yes people who are too afraid or too invested to push back.
The conversation moves into when it's actually worth speaking up against a bad strategy, how to know if a battle is worth fighting, and what it means to pick your moments without becoming the problem child in the room. Ben and Syya also get into the personal wins that come from standing your ground, even when you lose, and why the real goal isn't a win for you but a win that lifts everyone around you.
Takeaways:
- The fundamental lesson we have gleaned from our experiences in both business and life is that individuals represent the critical X factor in any equation.
- Throughout the course of our discussions, we have observed that people possess the capacity to astonish us in both remarkable and less favorable manners.
- In this episode, we delve into the significance of self-reflection as a pivotal component for effective leadership in today’s complex business environment.
- We must engage in an introspective examination of our true selves, questioning our values, priorities, and the perceptions we hold about our own worth and capabilities.
- Leaders often fall prey to the Peter Principle, where they rise to their level of incompetence without acknowledging the need for growth and self-awareness.
- Ultimately, it is crucial to understand that the purpose of self-reflection is not merely personal gain, but rather how we can contribute positively to the collective environment in which we operate.
Links referenced in this episode:
Learn more about Ben Baker at IamBenBaker.com | Chat it up with Syya and the team at BrilliantBeamMedia.com | 📺 Produced by BBM
Transcript
If there's one thing we've learned about business and life is that people are the X factor.
Speaker A:They constantly surprise us, both in amazing ways and not so much.
Speaker A:We're Ben and Sia, and welcome to the Gnaw on this Business Bites podcast.
Speaker A:This show is all about real life, things we all deal with every day, how they relate to business, and how to make some sense out of our daily chaos.
Speaker A:Welcome to the show.
Speaker B:Foreign.
Speaker A:Welcome back to another episode of Non this Business Bites.
Speaker A:I'm Ben and this is Sia.
Speaker A:And this week I want to talk about the mirror effect.
Speaker A:It's how to have better self reflection for better leadership.
Speaker A:Let's redo that because that sounded really sucky.
Speaker A:Ready?
Speaker A:1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Speaker A:Hi, everybody.
Speaker A:Welcome back to another episode of Dauntless Business Bites.
Speaker A:I'm Ben and this is Siya.
Speaker A:This week, I want to talk about the mirror test.
Speaker A:Self reflection for better leadership.
Speaker A:Yeah, we all need to look in the mirror.
Speaker A:We all need to sit there and say, okay, who am I really?
Speaker A:What's really important and what's not?
Speaker A:You know, am I, you know, all that a bag of chips?
Speaker A:I get, like, I think I am, or am I just have this delusion of grandeur that everybody else sits there and goes, yeah, okay, we'll listen to them because they have a title.
Speaker A:But am I going to respect them?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Am I going to trust them?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:And if a better job comes up, yeah, I'm going to take it.
Speaker A:There are so many leaders out there that are all about them.
Speaker A:They, you know, have not been given the tools in the bank.
Speaker A:They, you know, they micromanage.
Speaker A:They're part of the Peter Principle, and they don't take the time to sit there and say, you know what?
Speaker A:I need to sit there and look in the mirror and say what's really important.
Speaker A:So, Sia, let's go on this.
Speaker B:I'm looking at the man in the mirror.
Speaker B:You know, it's funny, I think I've sang that song 15,000 times because so much of everything that we talk about really is that self reflection kind of stuff.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And I can't help it.
Speaker B:I got massively distracted.
Speaker B:So let me.
Speaker B:I guess, sir, it's so much.
Speaker B:Everything that we talk about is so much easier said than done.
Speaker B:And, and, and I feel like, you know, we all talk a great game, we all convince ourselves that we are inherently doing the right thing, and then yet so much of our life today is binary.
Speaker B:It's so black and it's so white so it, it feels like to me this conversation is not so much, you know, are the mirror and the reflection.
Speaker B:It's almost like, is it a magic mirror that you live by of, of echo chamber reflection or is a real truth serum mirror that's going to tell you the truth?
Speaker B:And I think that's where we get tripped up so much, is that we look at a mirror of self reflection because it's like, it's like a validating that we are absolutely and validating that we know what the heck we're doing.
Speaker B:So we never feel like we are the definition of the Peter principle.
Speaker B:And at the same time you are the definition of the Peter principle because you don't know how you rise to the level of incompetence.
Speaker B:Like, so yeah, this is something that I, I really want.
Speaker B:I just think this is a great opportunity for us to really explore.
Speaker B:Is our mirror really a reflection or is it the, you know, filter reflection that keeps validating our false narrative?
Speaker A:Well, I keep coming back to A Few Good Men and you can't handle the truth, you know, so we send.
Speaker A:If we have this inability to look at things beyond our own bias, if we have this delusion of grandeur and this belief that we are always right and everything that we say is correct and everything that we do is right, and we never take the time to actually sit there, go, wait a second here, I could be wrong.
Speaker A:Then we tend to surround ourselves with people that echo that.
Speaker A:We tend to put the people around us in areas of influence and areas of, of position that can just tell us how wonderful we are.
Speaker A:Whether, whether they're not, whether they're saying, oh my God, you're amazing, or else they just agree with you.
Speaker A:And they sit there and they don't sit there and say, really, have you, have you given us a second thought about that?
Speaker A:Really?
Speaker A:You know, should we really be doing this?
Speaker A:You know, is that really part of what our mission, vision and values, you know, should we be spending money budget on that?
Speaker A:And a lot of people, and I'm not saying everybody, and I'm not saying everybody that does is this evil, horrible person.
Speaker A:But I'm saying there's a lot of us that surround ourselves with people that for lack of a better term are, yes, men and women, because either they're afraid to tell truth to power, they don't have the ability to articulate truth to power, or they are just so bought into the bias of the actual person that is in leadership that to even question them is outside of their own, you know, level.
Speaker A:Of sophistication or their own level of comfort.
Speaker A:So we need to sit back and sit there and say, okay, what are we truly trying to achieve?
Speaker A:Do we just want, yes, people around us, do we want to constantly believe our own press clippings to say how wonderful we are?
Speaker A:Or do we realize we're fallible human beings, each and every single one of us?
Speaker A:With my hand raised here, you know, saying that I'm part of it and say that, you know what, I could be wrong and maybe I should sit there and look at this thing and look at it from a wide variety of different angles and ask a bunch of people with contrary opinions of what it is and gather all those opinions.
Speaker A:In the end you're going to make a decision.
Speaker A:If you are the leader.
Speaker A:In the end, it's your job to make a decision and stand by it.
Speaker A:But at least you've taken the time to look at various points of view and realize that, you know what, Just because your view is the one that you have doesn't mean it's the view that everyone has.
Speaker B:Oh, man alive.
Speaker B:You know, it sucked because you know, when you, when you're, you're drinking the Kool Aid, it's so easy to believe what we're doing is the right thing.
Speaker B:It's so easy to believe that what we're doing is the natural, like it makes sense thing to do.
Speaker B:And it, and it compounds when it's a larger mission goal, right?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:It compounds when it now is inter departmental teams.
Speaker B:It compounds when it's now including upper level executive endorsement, you know, for something that, you know, may just be a choo choo train going to nowhere.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You're choo choo training right into a brick wall.
Speaker B:And sometimes you, man, it's tough because there are some, there are some choo choo decisions that is just out of your control, right.
Speaker B:That you just know a choo choo choo choo choo.
Speaker B:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker B:But I think if you know that you're on a.
Speaker B:When would be the right time?
Speaker B:Do you speak up?
Speaker B:Is it a battle that you should try to fight or is it a war that's gone on and you're just a soldier just fighting the good cause?
Speaker B:Because that's, that's your job.
Speaker B:That's your job.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like so I'm, you got me really thinking in all these analogies.
Speaker B:But let's.
Speaker B:You're a foot soldier.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Is it really your place to decide if that 222 battle is the right Direction or not.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Your.
Speaker B:But your job is to execute.
Speaker B:So is it a failure of your job or the failure of you that you're executing on your job as you are instructed to do, as you're paid to do and the expectation is to deliver?
Speaker B:Is it your fault that the strategies choo choo show?
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:And I think, I think there's time and place for that.
Speaker B:You're making me really think about this because there's only so much we can affect and that would be our immediate, our immediate desk area, if you want to call it that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And if you know the choo choo train, choo choo cho AKA strategy is a choo choo should show.
Speaker B:Then if you really hate it, then leave.
Speaker B:But if you're there and it's okay, then you stay.
Speaker B:Like, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:So like, like that reflection mirror is what you can control too.
Speaker B:But like focus on what you can control on that mirror.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like, anyway, kind of going back to that analogy.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker A:And the question is, do you control it?
Speaker A:Because at most levels you have a boss.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And at most levels you're at the whim of somebody else's decision, whether you like it or not.
Speaker A:And, and you can only fight against an idea, a concept of a culture, whatever, for so long.
Speaker A:You can only suggest so many times contrary opinions before you get a bad reputation, before you're sidelined, before you're marginalized, before you're seen as the, you're seen as the problem child.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And you get to a point where you say, is it worth me sticking my neck up?
Speaker A:Because every single time I do, I can feel the sharp edge of the blade against it.
Speaker A:So you have to take a look at that way.
Speaker A:But you have to sit there and say, we are all leaders in our own right.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:At our own level, we are all leaders.
Speaker A:And I think you're right.
Speaker A:There has to be a time where you sit there and say, okay, this is a battle worth fighting.
Speaker A:This is the battle we're fighting.
Speaker A:I believe in this.
Speaker A:This is wrong.
Speaker A:This is going to cost the company $100 million.
Speaker A:This is going to cost, you know, reputation.
Speaker A:It's going to cost us customers.
Speaker A:It's going to cost us this and be able to, you know, to look back and say something.
Speaker A:The question is, when is it, when is it time to go to hold them and when is it time to fold them?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But what you need to do is sit there yourself and have that ethical, moral point of View of sit there and say, wait a second, am I fighting this because I don't like the other person and I want to win it because I want them to lose, or am I fighting this because it's in the best case of every for everybody.
Speaker A:And so we all need to sit there and say, what's our agenda?
Speaker A:What's our purpose?
Speaker A:What's, what's our raison d' etre to be, you know, for doing this?
Speaker A:And that's what I'm talking about looking in the mirror.
Speaker A:Like if we're, if we're going to stand up and we're going to stand for or stand against something, the question is, why are we doing this?
Speaker A:And you know, are we taking the time to sit there and say, I'm doing this because you need to be wrong and I need to be right, or am I doing this because I think that there's that other points of view need to be, you know, looked at and discussed and articulated in order for us to go forward as a better and create a better solution.
Speaker A:So these are challenging things and there is no right answer there.
Speaker A:There is no right answer because it depends on the person, it depends on the psychology, it depends on the relationships, it depends on where you are in, in your professional journey.
Speaker A:It depends on your status within the organization, depends on how well you're trusted within the organization, how well you're respected in the organization.
Speaker A:All of these things come into play and we need to be able to look at this and look at the mirror and say, okay, is this a fighter worth, you know, suiting up for?
Speaker A:Okay, great, suit up, grab the sword, let's go.
Speaker A:You know, but we also need to know, okay, I fought the good fight, I lost.
Speaker A:All right, what do I do now?
Speaker B:Gotta tell you man, real, real quick, let me ask you this because this, that I love that question of like, you know, are we fighting the good fight?
Speaker B:I mean, because the odds are high, you're probably unsuccessful, especially the larger the organization.
Speaker B:So how does one maintain the motivation, the desire to do good, do right, be better, whatever, in their specific role and within themselves, knowing full well, sometimes it's the machine is running, right?
Speaker B:And how do you stay motivated?
Speaker B:And that's also again, self reflection of like, how do you handle that knowing full well you like again, you only can control so much, right?
Speaker B:And typically it's your reaction to it.
Speaker B:So, so I think for me that my takeaway on this conversation really ultimately is, is if you're going to go in for the big fight, like have, have Faith in yourself to go for that big fight, but also understand the odds are high.
Speaker B:Again, there's a lot of Goliath, you know, situations here where it's like you got to lick your wounds and are you okay with it, or, or do you build up resentment towards it?
Speaker B:And in that case, it might be a signal for you to probably look at alternative options for you, because.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It may have that mental toll on you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Or, or maybe you're just not a good fit kids.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:But you also need to sit there and say, what's the personal win for me?
Speaker A:You know, what's the personal win in for me?
Speaker A:Was it I learned something?
Speaker A:Was it I. I built another relationship?
Speaker A:Was it my boss disagreed with this, but they respected how I articulated this and saw that I wasn't just another yes person and that I was, you know, that I was looking at how do I advance myself within a leadership position or the fact that I didn't get fired when I put my neck on the line.
Speaker A:We all need to sit there and say, what are the personal wins that we can come out with that make us a better person and enable us to live and fight another day?
Speaker A:And I think that we need to look at all of these things to sit there and say, you're not going to win every battle.
Speaker A:It's not possible.
Speaker A:No one wins every battle.
Speaker A:And if you are winning every battle, you're probably a dictator.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, there's that too.
Speaker A:But we need to sit there and say, okay, how do we learn to take our views, our ideas, our values, our.
Speaker A:Our purpose, meld it with other people's, and be able to create something that's larger and something that elevates and floats all boats?
Speaker A:And I think that's the, the look in the mirror that I want to leave people with is that it's not about a personal win, it's about how do we make a win that is going to affect clients, it's going to affect vendors, it's going to affect other departments, it's going to affect your boss, it's going to affect the people that work underneath you, and it's going to make the organization a better place.
Speaker A:And I think that when we're looking in the mirror and we're sitting there and saying, it's time to stand up and strap on, we need to sit there and say, why are we doing this?
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And how are we going to make this better for everybody?
Speaker A:And not just to win.
Speaker A:For me,.
Speaker B:I can't.
Speaker B:I mean, just don't.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I mean, I mean, I can take.
Speaker B:There's so many directions we could take this conversation, but Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker B:And it's at its root core, just don't be an a hole people.
Speaker B:Be a good person.
Speaker B:Like there's going to be battles that you're going to want to fight that go for it and there's gonna be battles you don't want to fight.
Speaker B:There's no shame in that.
Speaker B:It's pick your battles.
Speaker B:There's a reason why pick your battles.
Speaker B:Make sense for a lot of people.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:So, yeah, I can't agree more.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So let's leave it there.
Speaker A:I'm Ben.
Speaker B:I'm.
Speaker B:See ya.
Speaker A:And we'll see you soon.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker B:Hey.
Speaker B:Thanks for listening to another episode of not on this Business Bites.
Speaker B:If you liked what you heard, we most humbly ask that you like, share and hit that subscribe button.
Speaker B:If you want to communicate more effectively within your organization, contact Ben ambenbaker.com or me, brilliantbeammedia.com we can help you build your community, brand awareness and personality through digital content and podcasting.
Speaker B:We cannot wait to hear from you.
Speaker B:See you next week for another episode of Naomis Business Bites.
